In the past few days, the weather here has been pretty dicey. It randomly changes from cold to hot and cool to warm..and vice versa! It drives me a little crazy because my workplace is a 20-minute walk away from home and I must be appropriately dressed because I have a low tolerance to cold plus a strong annoyance to the desert sun.
For instance, yesterday it was cold and I was pretty sure it's still winter. This morning, however, I decided to wear less constrictive clothing because it looked warm outside. I was convinced that summer has begun--until this afternoon when I was shivering on my way home and wishing I had more clothes on. It's a total switcheroo!
Anyway, during my walk home, I've been thinking and I realized that for the past couple of years, my life has been exactly like that--dicey. Except that I like it that way. It's actually fun and exciting not knowing what and where I'll be tomorrow. I like that everything is unpredictable right now. For most people, uncertainty causes anxiety therefore they plan ahead. I used to feel that way about it too but lately I've grown more comfortable with "uncertainty". There were things that I've seen, experienced and heard of recently that convinced me that what I'd like to have in my life is UNCERTAINTY and not PREDICTABILITY. Routine, I just realized, is my greatest misery.. and i vow not to become a part of one (--again. after I get out of this one. haha). It's just too structured with no room for spontaneity. Downright suffocating in the long run.
So..I'm just going to stop planning ahead now. I have a specific goal, that I know, and that's where I'm going still. But I'm not going to have a specific plan on how to get there because sometimes sticking to your plan narrows your horizon. Sometimes, you overlook better opportunities and better ways because you are too loyal to that plan..the one you've had for a long time and spent tremendous time and effort to. There's also a tendency for you to waste time because you'll keep waiting for the perfect time (which may never come!) for you to execute that specific plan.
So, there. I'm not planning ahead anymore. I don't need plans. Everything in the world changes so fast it will make any plan obsolete in just a day, anyway. The only thing I need is a clear goal so that everything I do will be according to that goal. Right now, I'm halfway to where I want to be and it's my gut feel that got me here, not the "fool-proof" plans that i used to have. Life's been laying out the cards for me and all i have to do is choose what I feel is the right one.
I'm going with my gut feel from now on..because like the weather, life is also chancy. I don't mind being unfortunate a few times because I lacked a backup plan rather than always have one but become edgy and overwrought the whole time. Much like today, I realized. I'm not going to suffer carrying a bigger, heavier bag that would fit a jacket and an umbrella every single day just so i can avoid that once-in-half-a-year, 20-minute inconvenience.
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